After Giving Birth To His Own Son, This Trans Man Complained About Nurse Who Misgendered Him

Bennett Kaspar-Williams from Los Angeles is among the few transgender people who gave birth to their children after the transition. He raised a complaint when the nurses at the hospital he gave birth at would be misgendered and called him a “mother” because he identifies and has transitioned into a man.

The 37-year-old began his transition in 2014, three years after learning that he wished to identify as a man. Then in 2017, he met Malik, his other half that became his husband in 2019. Bennett, who was still on testosterone meds, would have to stop the therapy from bringing back his ovaries if they wanted children. The couple decided that they wanted their own children and tried.

It didn’t take long for the couple to conceive as soon as they dropped the meds. Hudson was delivered via Cesarean section. Bennett explained that while he removed his breasts, he didn’t have body dysphoria with his lower half and kept them that way.

However, he admitted that it wasn’t until he shelled out $5,000 to remove the breasts before realizing how much he wanted them there, “It was really liberating. I had this feeling that it was something that I needed to do, but I never had a self-hatred of my breasts, like some trans people.”

“I had no dysphoria about certain body parts and still don’t.”

He added, “But I never could have anticipated what a relief it would be to find them gone. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. That’s the end of the surgical road when it comes to my transitioning though – bottom half surgery is off the table. I have no dysphoria with that part of my body.”

Bennett explained that it initially took time for him to accept the possibility of giving birth and shared, “It wasn’t something I ever wanted to do until I learned how to separate the function of my body from any notions of gender”

“Once I learned to think of my body as a tool and not a collection of gendered stereotypes, I realized that I could both be the person I wanted to and bring a child into the world.”

He convinced others, “No one can ever really know whether having children is possible until you try – being born with a uterus doesn’t make conceiving or carrying a certainty.”

“That’s why it’s so important that we stop defining “womanhood” in terms of “motherhood” because it’s a false equivalency that all women can become mothers, that all mothers carry their children, or that all people who carry children are mothers.”

“None of those things are universally true.”

Bennett learned about his pregnancy a week before the lockdown took place in March 2020.

He did not have any help involved after taking off the hormone meds and shared, “We had only been trying a short while, so we expected the process to take longer than it did.”

“This was just about a week before we went into lockdown here in March 2020, so my high spirits were pretty quickly replaced by anxiety around the pandemic and how I would keep myself and my baby safe.”

“The only thing that made me dysphoric about my pregnancy was the misgendering that happened to me when I was getting medical care for my pregnancy.”

Bennett explained that he clearly had a flat chest and even a beard, but he was often called a mother. He shared, “The business of pregnancy – and yes, I say business because the entire institution of pregnancy care in America is centred around selling this concept of “motherhood” – is so intertwined with gender that it was hard to escape being misgendered.”

“Even with a full beard, a flat chest, and a ‘male’ gender marker on all my identification, people could not help but default to calling me ‘mom, mother,’ or ‘ma’am.'”

“That was what made me dysphoric. Nothing about being pregnant felt “feminine” to me – in fact, I think carrying a child, isolated due to the pandemic, and facing all the hospitals and appointments alone was the absolute toughest, bravest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Children are these amazing beings that don’t see the world with the same bias and preconceptions that adults do.”

“To my son, there’s nothing more natural and normal than having a Dada and a Papa, and when he’s old enough, he will also come to know that his Dada was the one who carried him and took care of him so he could come into this world.”

“Children see love, they see patience, and they see commitment.”

“My son will no doubt accept that he came from me, just as he accepts all the other love and beauty around him – with open arms.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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