The courtroom was cold, sterile, and unwelcoming, much like the past few months of my life. My fingers twisted in my lap as I sat at the defendant’s table, barely listening to the droning voices around me. I had spent so long trying to push away the memory of that night—the screeching tires, the blinding headlights, the crunch of metal, the weight of my mother’s body slumping against mine in the passenger seat. The moments had replayed over and over in my head like a broken record, a cruel reminder that time did not heal all wounds.
I knew what everyone believed. It was his fault—the man who had been drinking, who had crossed into our lane. But I knew the truth. I had been the one driving. I had been the one to hesitate at the sight of his car veering toward us, the one who didn’t react quickly enough. I had been the one to grip the wheel too tight, my muscles locking in terror instead of turning the car out of the way.
And now I was here, forced to listen as Calloway’s lawyer pressed my father.
“Who was driving the car that night?” the lawyer asked, his voice even but sharp.
I held my breath. My father shifted beside me, his hands clenching into fists. He had spent weeks believing in my innocence, believing that the blame rested solely on Calloway. Could I take that away from him? Could I bear to see his face when he realized the truth?
“I don’t know,” I heard myself say, my voice barely above a whisper.
But I did. I had always known.
The guilt weighed on me, heavier than anything I had ever carried. I wanted to tell the truth. I wanted to scream it into the silence of that courtroom. But I didn’t. Not that day. Maybe not ever.
After the trial, I told my father everything. He didn’t get angry. He didn’t even look surprised. He just pulled me into his arms and held me as I sobbed into his chest.
“It wasn’t your fault, Maeve,” he whispered, stroking my hair. “It was an accident.”
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that my mother wouldn’t have blamed me, that she wouldn’t have wanted me to carry this guilt.
But I wasn’t sure I ever would.
